


The terrifying art of flirting

by TheLadyOrTheTiger



Series: Awkward dorks in love [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Developing Relationship, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4550115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyOrTheTiger/pseuds/TheLadyOrTheTiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are people who flirt effortlessly, charm with their compliments and steal hearts with a few choice words. Then there are people like Alissa Trevelyan, who probably shouldn't even try to speak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank miss-shaley for editing this for me, putting up with my insanity and being the best friend any girl, and especially a fangirl, could ever hope for.

Going to the Conclave was supposed to be another boring task forced upon Alissa Trevelyan by her overbearing family. Never in a million years would she have suspected how dramatically the events taking place there would change her life, and the lives of everyone in Thedas.

Now there were demon-spewing holes in the sky, and she possessed a strange mark that could control them.  In a blink of an eye she turned from a prisoner accused of an attack on the Divine, into the so called Herald of Andraste. It was... overwhelming, to say the least.

Alissa herself was quite surprised by how well she was taking it all. She has been in the Fade, for Maker's sake! In the flesh. Which should be impossible. And now she was calmly walking through the mountains surrounding Haven, looking for elfroot, and iron deposits.

The future was highly unpredictable, but Alissa was certain that it contained danger. Danger she would have to put herself in, because for some unknown reason, she was the only one who could do anything about the rifts.

Why her? That question was buzzing in her mind. She was just the youngest child of a minor noble family. She wasn't very religious. Actually, she wasn't sure she even believed in the Maker. The whole "Herald of Andraste" title made her uncomfortable. Being treated like some religious figure unsettled her. She couldn't provide the spiritual guidance those people seemed to crave. All she could do was fight for them.

Never before in her life did she have a clear purpose, and now, through some kind of a bizarre accident, she did. The mark couldn't be transferred onto anyone else, so in a way it wasn't her choice, but Alissa decided to embrace her mission. There was a sense of peace in accepting the situation.

Having marked more than a dozen iron deposits and gathered a satchel full of elfroot, Trevelyan decided to go back to Haven and finally rest after a tiring day. On her way back, she stopped at the edge of the tree line, observing the recruits fighting, their swords glinting in the late afternoon sun.

She rolled her eyes at herself. There was no point in pretending. She wasn't watching the recruits - she was drawn to the Commander. Her lips twitched in a suppressed smile just at the thought of his name. Commander Cullen Rutherford. How grand that sounded. A strong, proud name fitting for a military leader, who also happened to be devastatingly handsome. Broad shoulders, amber eyes, a surprisingly attractive scar on the lip and a voice that made her slightly weak in the knees - he was like a hero out one of those romance novels she guiltily devoured from a young age.

Should she go and talk to him? Trevelyan felt like slapping herself in the face. She bravely faced demons, and now, confronted with just a man, an admittedly gorgeous man, but still just a man, she was uncertain and nervous. She wasn't fifteen anymore, she was a grown woman, and damn it, she was going to act like one.

The first time they talked alone, she was impressed with the Commander's dedication to their cause. His passion and determination were very appealing. Alissa wasn't joking when she told him that she'd love to hear his lecture. If she were honest with herself, she would have to admit that he could talk to her about digging trenches and his voice and enthusiasm would enthrall her. She was ridiculously happy to hear him chuckle at her remark and see him return her smile. The way he cleared his throat uncertainly, like he was not used to laughing, was downright adorable.

That was a good start, Alissa decided. He seemed to... not dislike her. Liking her was probably a step too far. Now she just had to be charming and subtly flirtatious. Riiight, easier said than done. To her mother's eternal disappointment, Trevelyan never had any admirers, and every time she tried to talk to a man during some mandatory family function, she always ended up with her foot firmly in her mouth.

 _No use dwelling on past failures_ , Alissa decided. She could do it. Fixing a pleasant smile on her face, she walked towards the Commander.

"Do you have a moment to talk?" she asked. That was not a bad opener. Simple, direct. Was she just praising herself for that? She sighed inwardly.

When Cullen looked up from a report and saw her standing next to him, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

"Of course."

He put the report on a table and focused his full attention on her. Which was good. And intimidating. And incredibly good.

"I thought that we might get to know each other." Trevelyan cringed slightly. That was too forward. "Since we're going to be working together," she added hastily. Did she recover? Could he notice how nervous she was?

"Naturally. What would you like to know about me?"

He... didn't seem to mind. Trevelyan felt relief wash over her.

What to ask? She was so curious about him, wanted to know the man behind the armor, who he truly was, but didn't wanted to be too invasive. In the end Alissa opted instead for safe questions about his life in the order, since those were somewhat pertinent to the work they were doing together.

Only now did Trevelyan realized how little she knew about such a powerful organization as the Templars. She never had to deal with them personally. Her family was somewhat involved with the Order, but as with anything else they cared about, she avoided it. She also knew next to nothing about the circles of magi, the Wardens, and especially, the Seekers of Truth. There was a lot of catching up to do.

Hearing Cullen speak of his former Order was quite fascinating. He still believed in the Templars, in their righteousness and purpose.

"Do templars take vows? 'I swear to the Maker to watch all the mages' - that sort of thing?" she asked.

Cullen explained about the ritual - the vigil, the lyrium philter, and all the sacrifices a templar's path entailed, which sounded solemn, and terrifying. It was  a momentous decision, a completely new life.

"A life of service and sacrifice. Are templars also expected to give up... physical temptations?" The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. What was she thinking?! This was so inappropriate.

"Physical..." Cullen looked confused for a second. "Why?" He nervously cleared his throat. "Why would you... That's not expected. Some may choose to give up more to prove their devotion, but it's, um, not required."

Why would she? She could say that she was just curious...

"Have you?" Or she could just blurt out the question that she desperately wanted an answer for. Her stupid brain was probably leading her step by step to this horrid moment. Her foot was so far down her throat it was basically touching her stomach.

"Me? I... um... no." He stammered nervously. "I've taken no such vows. Maker's breath - can we speak of something else?"

"I'll... just leave you to your work, Commander. I'm sorry I've taken so much of your time," Alissa told him, and hurried off, not waiting for him to respond.

That was that. She's made him uncomfortable. He had to think that she was some sort of a deviant. Which was probably true.

There was nothing better for her to do than just go on a little trip, close a rift or two, take care of some rogue templars and mages, gather supplies, and leave Cullen be, to hopefully let him forget her terrible blunder.

The very next day Alissa did just that, setting off for the Hinterlands with Cassandra, Varric and Solas in tow. She rose bright and early, just before the sun, which unfortunately was not early enough to avoid Cullen. When she was walking out of the gates, he was already starting the training.

 _Walk quickly, don't look at him_ , she told herself, and despite her own wise swords, she just had to tilt her head slightly and catch his eye.

"Of to the Hinterlands," she said, waving at him as she passed by.

What was she thinking?! Waving? Who did that? She was so stupid.

"Be safe out there, Lady Trevelyan." A small smile grazed the Commanders lips. "And the rest of you too," he added quickly.

"You as well Commander."

"I will." He waved and looked away.

He waved. Trevelyan grinned. He waved! Maybe she didn't ruin everything? Or he was just being polite.

With a sigh, Alissa decided to banish those thoughts. She had no time to be distracted. There was much to be done.

* * *

 

The trip to the Hinterlands proved to be rather fruitful. She closed three more rifts, brought supplies for the refugees, found some mysterious shards Solas was eager to study, and even returned a wayward druffalo to its worried owner. And she managed not to think about Cullen... too much. When she was alone in her tent her mind couldn't help drifting to him, wondering what he was doing at that moment, if he ever thought of her.

Her stomach tightened with worry and anticipation as she walked in the direction of the training grounds, on her way back to Haven. Cullen had his back to her, focused on the recruits. She probably shouldn't disturb him.

"Curly, we're back," Varric announced in an overly cheerful voice, a smirk on his face. Trevelyan wasn't sure why he did it, and if she wanted to hug or strangle him for it.

The Commander turned on his heel and smiled slightly, looking at Alissa. Her companions marched to the gates in unison, after greeting the Commander, while she stayed behind. Just as he was disappearing from her line of view, Varric winked at her.

"So good to see you back," Cullen said, distracting her from her thoughts.

"Good to see you back as well. I mean... you're not back. I'm back. And I see you. Which is good."

She felt a strong desire to become invisible for a moment and run away from her fumbling words.

"It is good." He shifted awkwardly. She's made him uncomfortable again. She was going for some kind of record it appeared. "I've... uh... found the logging stand you were looking for."

"You did?" Trevelyan couldn't find the blasted thing for days, and might have complained about it loudly. He must have heard her. "Thank you. You didn't have to."

"I was just walking around, relaxing before bed, and came across it. I could show it to you. Just so you know where it is. In case off..." He trailed off.

"A logging emergency?" Alissa laughed. Which made Cullen wince. She should just stop trying to be funny. "I'd love to see it. I need to know my way around this place."

"You really don't have to humor me, it's nothing."

"No!" Trevelyan all but shouted. She wanted to spend time with him, walk the forest together, hopefully make a better impression. "I really want to see it."

"You must be tired from your travel. It was stupid of me to suggest..."

"I'm perfectly fine. Let's go," she insisted.

The Commander just inclined his head in agreement and set off into the woods. They walked without speaking for a while.

"Anything interesting happened while I was away?" Alissa asked to break the silence.

"Nothing much. I think almost all of the recruits understand the difference between the hilt and the blade now."

Alissa chuckled.

"And quite a few of them have even worked out what the shield is for," Cullen added.

Trevelyan laughed out loud at this. She turned to look at Cullen and saw his pleased smile.

"That's because they have a great Commander to instruct and lead them."

Was that...? Did she just... say something flirtatious? In a non-awkward manner? Alissa felt like doing a little victory dance.

"Thank you, Lady Trevelyan."

They held eye contact for a few heartbeats.

"Well, I've had my first hands-on experience with a farm animal," she told him.

And she was back to her old tricks. That was a great follow-up to a romantic moment. Talking of livestock - what could be more seductive?

"Oh?" Cullen looked genuinely surprised.

"There was this lost druffalo. I found it in a cave, surrounded by giant spiders. The poor thing was terribly frightened. We killed the spiders and lead it back to the farm. It was very complaisant - it just followed me, without having to be prodded."

"That's understandable. You inspire trust and confidence - in people, as well as animals, it appears."

"You should say that to the bear I killed on my previous trip."

She should have just thank him in turn and not... But he laughed. And she laughed with him. And suddenly it was easy - just walking among the trees, enjoying the moment of peace.

"There it is." Cullen pointed to the logging stand.

"I don't think I would've found it soon. I'm quite abysmal with directions and I get lost incredibly easily. One rock looks just like another to me, and soon I'm walking in circles. If not for Cassandra we wouldn't get anywhere. And if not for you we wouldn't have any wood. Thank you for finding this place."

"It was my pleasure. Glad to be of help. And now that you know where it is, I think we should get back - it's getting late."

"Oh..." Alissa knew she sounded disappointed. "It's so nice here."

 _With you_ , she wanted to add, but couldn't force the words out.

"We could take the long road back, next to the lake, if you'd like," he offered.

"That sounds lovely." They started walking. "I haven't done much exploring around here for fear of getting lost - just enough to find some elfroot and iron deposits."

"I'd never let you get lost," Cullen assured.

"I know. I trust you."

And she did. She hardly knew him, but she felt safe with him, like she could truly rely on him. It was not just because he was handsome and strong. When they first met, she saw him helping a wounded soldier, putting her arm over his shoulder and supporting her. He was the kind of Commander who went into the fray with his people, who wanted to keep them safe. He was also a man of principles, determined to do the right thing, no matter how hard that was. Who wouldn't trust him?

"Thank you, Lady Trevelyan. That means a lot to me."

In that moment he looked away, his brows drawn, his jaw clenched. Alissa hoped she didn't say the wrong thing again.

He kept silent, so she did as well, not wanting to disturb his thoughts. Instead, she tried to focus on the beauty of nature surrounding them.

"Thank you again, Commander," Trevelyan told him when they returned to the training grounds.

"I've enjoyed helping you."

"As did I. Have a good night, Commander."

"You too, Lady Trevelyan."

 _I'll just be in my bed, thinking of you_ , she thought, but fortunately her tongue didn't betray her this time.

* * *

 

The next day, after a war table meeting, Alissa walked with Cullen to the training grounds, for all intents and purposes to take a look at the new recruits, but in reality just to have an excuse to spend more time with him. As they watched two recruits sparing, he talked at length about calibrating the trebuchets. It should have been terribly dull, yet just like she expected, listening to him speaking about it was a pleasure.

"Maker, I'm sure I'm boring you," he finally said, probably realizing how long his speech has been.

"Not at all. You're so passionate about this." Trevelyan smiled up at him.

"I guess I am." The Commander rubbed the back of his neck nervously, which had to be the most endearing gesture in all of Thedas.

Alissa wasn't sure what to say next, but still she was disappointed as she saw Master Dennet walking towards them, probably wanting a moment of her time to discuss her new mount.

"I have to go," she told Cullen. "But not because you were boring me. I'd love to talk about the trebuchets some more. It's really quite interesting. The calibrating seams such an important and precise work," she was rambling now, she knew. "Tomorrow I'm departing for the Fallow Mire, but when I get back, I hope we could..."

"We certainly could!" Cullen sounded very determined. "Talk. About the trebuchets."

"I'll see you when I get back then." She smiled. "And I will be safe," she added before he could ask it of her.

This pattern repeated itself several times. Whenever Alissa was back at Haven, she would find a reason to talk to Cullen, and on one or two occasions, the Commander was the one who found her, wanting her opinion on something or other. She couldn't be sure, but Trevelyan hoped that his excuses, just like hers, were really only covers for his true desire to be around her.

Of course she could just ask him if he wanted to spend time with her, but her stomach tightened painfully at the mere thought of such a risk. What if he was just being polite? What if she embarrassed herself, and him, by being so forward? They did have a professional relationship to maintain. There was nothing to do but wait and see if anything were to develop. They had time.

Or so it seemed to her at the time. The attack on Haven stole that from her, and from everyone else.

"We're dying, but we can decide how. Many don't get that choice," Cullen said.

There was no fear in his voice, no hesitation. He was solemn but sure. She admired him for that. It made sense. If they were going to die either way, they shouldn't let their enemies triumph. Despite that logical reasoning, she wasn't as calm as Cullen. Her heart was pounding madly within her chest, her breaths coming out irregularly. She wanted to live - desperately, frantically. And for him to live as well.

Chancellor Roderick's solution gave her hope for a moment. It was almost miraculous that he knew of another path, of a means to escape. Then reality set in. The attacker wanted her. She was the target. If she acted as a distraction, the people of Haven could get away from the threat.

Alissa's throat closed. That was that. Her life for theirs. It was a fair deal. She wanted to live, so much it hurt, but there was no other choice. She was going to die a hero, which should make her feel better, yet somehow didn't.

"What of your escape?" Cullen asked.

Trevelyan gnashed her teeth. There was no escape, no future.

"Perhaps you will surprise it, find a way," he offered when she remained silent.

"Perhaps." She smiled sadly at him.

"I misspoke. You will. There's no doubt about that. The people will make it, and you will make it as well," Cullen declared, his voice full of steely resolve.

In that moment Trevelyan hoped again, just a tiny bit. She was ready to lay down her life for the people of Haven, if it came to that, but she didn't have to just accept her death as something certain. Her fate wasn't sealed.

She nodded at Cullen, her face set in determination. He nodded back and started giving out orders to the recruits.

"Stay safe, Lady Trevelyan," he finally said, before walking away.

"You as well Commander," she responded automatically.


	2. Chapter 2

That night she fought with all she had, all she was, but when she woke up in the cave, alive, she was still surprised that she survived.

She was also tired. Beyond tired. Weary to the bone.

Despite that, there was something within her, some strange energy pushing her on, through the snow and harsh wind, as she shook from the cold and the pain of her many injuries. _Onward_ , Alissa urged herself. _If you've survived Corypheus, a mountain won't best you._

It felt like she was stumbling around for ages before she found an abandoned campfire. The survivors must have passed throught there. Trevelyan tried to quicken her pace, but couldn't. She just had to concentrate on walking and not stopping. If she stopped, she was surely done for.

Her legs felt heavy and numb. Each step she took was harder than the previous one. Looking at the snow for so long made strange shapes dance before her eyes. Alissa wasn't sure where she was going, yet she pressed on, lost, frightened, but determined.

"There! It's her!" Cullen's voice came to her suddenly, like something out of a dream. Or maybe she was just having a pleasant hallucination as she slipped into death?

Trevelyan fell to her knees. Either way, she couldn't move. If it was the end...

But it wasn't. There were strong hands on her arms, and then under her legs, and she was being lifted up, her head lolling back, eyes closed.

"Stay with me, oh Maker, please stay with me." It was Cullen's voice again, faint and distant in her haze. "You made it. You're safe."

Some warmth was getting back into her body. A hand was vigorously rubbing her arm as they moved.

"Are you real?" she whispered hoarsely.

"Yes. I'm here with you. You'll be all right. I'll make sure of that."

Trevelyan's lips twitched slightly and she fell unconscious.

* * *

 

Just when Alissa was beginning to understand her place in the enfolding events, everything had to shift and change and  leave her to try and get her bearings once more. She almost died. Again. And found herself in a strange place. Again. And people were calling her a strange title. Again.

Inquisitor. How odd was that? She was to lead all of those people. If she was overwhelmed when she reached Haven, there was no word for what she felt in Skyhold. She had no experience in commanding armies or negotiating with powerful nobles. Never in her wildest dreams would she imagine herself in such a position. She was wholly unprepared for her new duties, but how could she refuse them? Those people chose her, put their trust in her, believing her to be the one person who could save them. She couldn't let them down, which was both frightening and motivating.

There were just two thing she was certain of. One - she was going to give the Inquisition her all and never allow them to regret their decision, and two - she had to see Cullen.

Just like she expected, he was surrounded by recruits, giving them orders. After noticing her presence, they respectfully moved away.

Cullen was... well, himself. Focused on work and strategy. Alissa had to admit that she was a bit disappointed. All she wanted to do was embrace him, to relish in the knowledge that he was alive, that they were both alive. He on the other hand could only talk of the Inquisition's business. Even his praise of her capabilities didn't make her feel as good as it would've under different circumstances. But the devastating smile he gave her when she thanked him made her heartbeat speed up. Damn it all to the void - she had to say something, if he wasn't going to.

"Our escape from Haven... it was close. I'm relieved that you - that so many made it out."

 _I'm glad you're not dead?_ That was her idea of flirting? She wanted to kick herself in the behind.

"As am I," he responded softly, his eyes earnest and slightly sad.

He turned away. That was all. Swallowing a bitter lump lodged in her throat, Alissa turned to leave.

"You stayed behind. You could have..." he said as she was moving away. Trevelyan turned back to him. "I won't allow the events of Haven to happen again. You have my word," he declared with determination, his hand gripping the pommel of his sword tightly.

"It happened the way it had to. And if circumstances were similar now, it would have to happen just like that again," Alissa informed him calmly. She hoped that she was never in a similar position ever again, but she knew that what she did was right, and would not hesitate to repeat her actions.

"No." His tone was stern and unyielding. "You will not have to stay behind. You will not have to sacrifice yourself. We will face it together." His eyes widened, as if he caught on to what he said just after the words left his mouth. "The whole Inquisition will face it together," he amended quickly, a light redness staining his cheeks.

That almost sounded like her own last minute correction. She was not brave enough to ask him what he truly meant - it was enough to hope. For now.

* * *

 

She wasn't looking for Cullen. She wasn't. She was just taking a leisurely stroll through every nook and cranny of the castle. The fact that she started with his tower (from which he was absent), and continued through all the places where he could usually be found, was just a coincidence.

When Trevelyan saw him, playing chess with Dorian, her heart skipped a beat, and she couldn't keep lying to herself. Spending just a few moments with him was all she thought of all day.

In a few quick strides she was next to the table.

"Inquisitor." Cullen stood up to greet her.

He kept her gaze for a moment, and she could swear that from the corner of her eye she saw Dorian rolling his eyes.

"Don't stop on my account," she told them. As much as she wanted to speak with the Commander alone, Trevelyan was also curious to see how the game would end.

Cullen sat back down, focusing on the board.

"You have to come to terms with my inevitable victory - you'll feel much better," Dorian teased.

"Really? Because I've just won..." With one move from the Commander the game was over. "...and I feel fine." Cullen leaned back in his chair, a picture of smug satisfaction. Which was a good look on him.

 _You also_ look _fine_ , Alissa's brain supplied unhelpfully. Andraste's flaming knickers! Good thing she didn't say _that_ out loud. He did look magnificent though.

After Dorian left, Cullen offered to play with her, and Trevelyan gladly jumped at the chance. With a smile, the Commander started setting the board.

"Could you... Oh, never mind." She cut herself off, her nerves getting the better of her.  _Of to such a great start,_ she thought.

"Could I what? I'd be glad to assist you with anything," Cullen offered.

A more self-assured person would ask 'Anything?' and smile seductively. Unfortunately Alissa wasn't that person.

"I... uh... just thought that you used to call me Lady Trevelyan, and now it's Inquisitor, but we've been through so much - maybe it's time we started using our first names? If you want to, that is. If you don't think it's inappropriate."

"I'd like that. In front of the rest of the Inquisition I'll have to address you properly, out of respect, but like this... I'll enjoy calling you Alissa."

Trevelyan shivered slightly. Hopefully not enough for him to see.

"That's a good name. I mean, it sounds good, when you say it."

Maker, could she be more awkward? If she didn't control herself she was going to tell him that she'd like to hear him scream it. Which would be the truth. And a very inappropriate thing to divulge.

"It is a beautiful name. Fitting for you." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. "Would you care to start the game?" he quickly changed the topic.

Trevelyan just nodded, picking up a piece, not really thinking of any strategy. He was surely going to win - she was too distracted by him to be any good. Did he just say she was beautiful? Or generally implied it? She already lost the game and didn't care. She was at least quite sure he found her not unpleasant to look at, and that was a victory in and of itself.

After making his move, Cullen begun to relax and even tentatively started talking about his family, about practicing with his brother to best their sister. He loved them - it was obvious from the way he smiled fondly recalling even his many defeats against his sister.

Getting to know him, peeling back the layers of professionalism and restraint, was highly rewarding. Alissa liked the thought of a carefree boy poring over a chess board, determined to vanquish his sister.

With gentle prompting from her, he kept telling her stories about his sibling. It sounded like they all cared about each other a great deal. Trevelyan felt a flicker of jealousy spark within her as she compared that with her own family. They were always squabbling and fighting, trying to outsmart one another, score some points against each other in an invisible game she was unqualified and unwilling to play.

"This might be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition or related matters. To be honest, I appreciate the distraction," Cullen noted, banishing her unpleasant thoughts.

"We should spend more time together," Alissa answered without thinking. Luckily she didn't even get the chance to panic over her words.

"I would like that," he answered immediately, sounding both surprised and pleased.

"Me too," she reaffirmed.

"You said that." He smiled shyly, and her heart swelled. "We should... finish our game. My turn?" he added promptly.

They continued for some time in silence. Trevelyan felt like she was playing abysmally, her brain replaying his words over and over again, instead of thinking up moves. Apparently either Cullen's victory against Dorian was a fluke, he was letting her win, or he was even more distracted than she was.

"I believe this one is yours. Well played," he complimented.

"Thank you, Cullen."

"That does sound nice. When you say my name," he said under his breath.

"I can do that as often as you like," Alissa proposed. Cullen appeared surprised and slightly embarrassed that she actually heard his words.

They looked at each other for a moment and almost at the same time turned away. She was sure the shade of red on his cheeks matched hers quite nicely.

"We should play again sometime," Cullen suggested.

"Definitely. Very soon. When our duties permit." Trevelyan got up quickly.

 _Sway your hips - that's supposed to be attractive_ , she told herself as she was walking away. She probably didn't manage to do it even half as well as the heroines in her romance novels did. She was too excited to be overly graceful. Joyful energy was coursing through her body. She made a fool of herself quite a few times, but Cullen was still eager to spend time with her. He wasn't very smooth either, and yet she found him irresistible. Maybe that meant that they were a good match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's practically canon that Cullen is the one who carries the Inquisitor to camp after Haven. That got me thinking about different races and genders. Cullen tenderly cradling female Trevelyan to his chest. Carefully picking up tiny male Lavellan. Gently carrying small female Cadash. And then there's the huge male Adaar and Cullen just looks at him, shakes his head and goes "No. Just... no. Not gonna happen. I'm sorry, but it's just... No." So in the end he and Cassandra each grab an arm and drag Adaar to camp. That's a comic I'd draw, if not for the fact that I can't even do a proper stick figure.
> 
> I think I'm stretching the meaning of author's note here. Oh well...
> 
> Kudos and comments would be very appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

Alissa strode quickly through the main hall to her chambers. She needed a few moments to relax by herself. Her day wasn't very long or particularly taxing - she was just annoyed with the impasse in the progress of her relationship with Cullen.

They did play one more game of chess. They also had a late night walk around Skyhold, but that was interrupted by Leliana who just got a message from one of her spies and wanted to share it with them. They tried to have a drink at the tavern together. It was going well for a while, until Bull and Sera decided that Trevelyan needed to sing with them to boost morale. Not wanting to draw attention to her attachment to the Commander, Alissa had to agree.

That concluded all of their nonprofessional interactions. There was never enough time, and when there was a moment, there weren't enough words.

Now Trevelyan was preparing for an expedition into the Forbidden Oasis. They were going to leave in two days time and stay for Maker only knows how long. It could last weeks, especially if they stopped to check on scout Harding in the Hissing Wastes on their way back.

Closing the doors to her chambers behind herself, Alissa sighed wearily. The time to act was now. She had to take things into her own hands if she didn't wanted to be, well... taking things into her own hands for the rest of her life.

"I'll just walk up to Cullen and... and just say it," she told herself out loud. Her stomach tighten in fear at the thought. "Get a grip! You can do it."

Trevelyan started pacing.

"'Hi there Cullen! Fancy seeing you here.' No. Nonono - too informal, too stupid," she muttered. "'Hello Commander.' Ugh - too formal." She shook her head. "'Hello Cullen. Do you have a moment?' 'No, go away'," she ineffectually tried to imitate his voice. "He'd never say that. He's always so polite."

Alissa plopped down on her couch, covering her eyes with her hands.

"'Id' like to talk to you about something personal'," she tried out the sentence. "And then he'll tell me to come back later, and avoid being alone with me for the rest of his life." Trevelyan sighed again. "Stop being dumb. He likes you. He does. He cares about you. He'll want to talk to you."

Jumping up off the couch, Alissa started pacing again.

"'Cullen, I find myself thinking of you. Often. Quite a lot. All the time really.'" She paused. "That sounds desperate, doesn't it? And obsessive." She pinched the bridge of her nose in concentration. "'Cullen, I like you.'" She rolled her eyes. "We're not twelve. Maybe... 'Cullen, I'd like us to be more than friends.' There. That's not entirely terrible. How about 'Cullen, you're a remarkable man and I enjoy the time we spend together. I'd like to be more than just your friend. I hope you feel the same way.' Good." She nodded her approval. "And then he'll smile at me, affection filling his eyes, and he'll grab my hands and tell me that nothing would make him happier than being with me." Alissa snorted at herself derisively. "What book did I steal _that_ from?"

Contented with her phrasing, Trevelyan lied down on the bed, a smile on her face.

"Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll walk to his tower and look into his stupid gorgeous eyes and just say it. Whatever happens - it's better to know sooner rather than later."

Her mind made up, Alissa closed her eyes for a moment. She pictured Cullen's smile, his face moving closer to her own, his lips touching hers, his arms going around her, pulling her into his chest, their bodies pressing together...

"Not now," she told herself decisively. That train of thought lead only to one place and she had no time for that. She'd already wasted too much time on this impromptu rehearsal. "Back to work. Those report's won't read themselves."

Alissa strode to her desk and settled in, knowing that she was going to be there for a long time. Pushing all romantic thoughts to the back of her mind, she took the first report.

She wasn't sure how long she's been working when a strange sound startled her. It was... knocking? Coming from inside of her room?

Trevelyan stealthily crept towards her weapons.

"Who's there?" she asked in her most fearsome voice, her daggers raised, ready to strike.

"It's me." A quiet, but distinctive voice came through the doors.

"Cullen?!" Her hands fell to her sides in shock. "What are you doing here?" She paused, a sickly feeling creeping up inside of her. "How long have you been here?"

"Can I come out?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yes." She couldn't very well tell him to stay there forever, no matter how nervous she was.

"I'm terribly sorry," Cullen already started apologizing as he was walking out of the side room where her wines were being stored. "Will you be needing those?" He indicated her daggers, sounding almost frightened.

"No. I thought you might be an assassin of some sort. But then you wouldn't knock, would you?"

Alissa placed the daggers on her bed and looked at Cullen expectantly. Some kind of an explanation was in order.

"I was just... I'm really sorry. You must believe me when I say that I didn't mean to..."

He heard her. The blush on his cheeks was proof enough.

"So what were you doing here?" She just had to know, to prove to herself that even if she irreparably damaged everything, at least it wasn't really her fault.

"I came by to deliver a report and bring you that book we talked about."

Oh yes, she did ask him for a book on the history of military strategy. Worst decision of her life it turned out.

"I also hoped we could talk, but you weren't here, so I left the book on your nightstand. I was just about to leave when this room caught my attention. I was curious about what kind of things you like to drink." He looked sheepish admitting that. "The doors closed behind me, and then you were here. I didn't want to look like a nosy idiot, so I didn't make my presence known. Next thing I knew, you were talking, and I knew that I _definitely_ couldn't get out." He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I was hoping that you would leave soon so I could get out as well. You'd never have known. But you've been working for so long now, and showing no signs of wanting to leave. I have a debriefing with my soldiers this evening. I'm sorry - I just had to leave."

"So you heard everything I said?"

It was probably too much to hope that the heavy doors muffled her voice.

"I did," he admitted, looking at his boots. Alissa's heart sank.

"And you decided to act like nothing happened?" She didn't give him a chance to answer. His previous silence spoke for itself. The Inquisitor wasn't quite certain if she was more devastated, angry or mortified. "In that case I'd kindly ask you to leave and never mention this incident. Which was your original plan, so it shouldn't be a problem. Hopefully I'll live long enough for this to become a slightly embarrassing memory instead of a downright humiliating one."

Alissa felt her cheeks burning with shame. He heard her, and was so appalled by it, that he wanted to pretend it never happened. She could barely stand looking at him, or having him look at her, so she turned her back to him.

"This is my room - you will be the one leaving." Her voice was not shaking. Much. Trevelyan hoped to escape the situation with a modicum of dignity.

"Alissa..." His hand was hovering over her arm, barely touching. "Maker's breath, I'm an idiot. That's not what I meant. You misunderstood... I... Would you look at me?"

The pleading tone of his voice made her reluctantly comply. His hand fell to his side and Alissa missed the almost-touch.

"I wanted to wait for tomorrow, for you to come to me, to say those things to my face."

Trevelyan's heart sped up, hope blossoming within her.

"I should have immediately let you know I was there, but when I heard you talk, about me... I must admit that I wanted to spare us both the embarrassment, but also I was desperate to find out what you thought of me. I couldn't believe that it was possible for you to be thinking of me half as often as I do of you."

"You think of me?" Now she was the one in disbelief.

"Constantly. I've imagined this conversation, or one like it, more times than I can count. And I was always much more eloquent in my head." He laughed self-deprecatingly. "When it comes down to it, I'm not good with words. Not where feelings are concerned, where _you_ are concerned. If I were to say something, I wanted it to be the perfect thing, at the perfect time. But I wasn't sure if I should even try."

"Why would you think that?" Alissa was truly baffled.

"I wasn't certain how you felt. I didn't wanted to make a fool of myself." He chuckled bitterly. "I didn't avoid _that_ part."

"Well, now you know that I care for you. And that I'm a bigger fool than you could ever hope to be."

"You are no fool." Cullen stepped closer to her. "You are beautiful, brilliant, funny, strong, and charming."

"I am _not_ charming," Alissa protested, this time flushing with pleasure at his compliments, instead of in embarrassment.

"Then how did you manage to charm me so thoroughly?"

Now he was standing only a breath away from her, looking down at her just as tenderly as she imagined. Without thinking much, Trevelyan stood up on her toes, placing her hands on his arms for balance.

"I have no idea," she whispered. "Maybe you could tell me?"

She felt his hands go to her waist.

"Being so close to you, it's a bit hard to think straight, not to mention talk."

"Should I step away then?" Trevelyan teased, determined not to move an inch.

"Oh no." His hands on her tightened. "Talking is overrated."

With that he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers fiercely. Her lips opened on a gasp and he took advantage of that fact by delving his tongue into her mouth. Alissa tangled her fingers into his hair and pushed herself closer to him, pouring all of her feelings into that kiss. Sensing her desperation, Cullen let her take over and explore his mouth in turn.

Trevelyan was lost in his taste, in the feeling of him embracing her. Time didn't seem to matter. She would be happy to stay with him like this forever. Unfortunately they had to pull apart for air, pressing their foreheads together and breathing heavily.

"That was very eloquent." Alissa laughed.

"I think we have an understanding now." Cullen grinned at her.

"I'm not sure about that. I think I need further explanations."

When she knew how he felt, it was quite a bit easier to be flirtatious.

Cullen chuckled before she claimed his lips in another kiss. He pulled away much too quickly for her liking.

"Unfortunately I do have to go now. The soldiers are probably already wondering where I am," he told her regretfully. "But I do want us to understand each other, so I think you should see me tomorrow."

"Then go if you must." Alissa pouted at him. "And expect me at the first possible moment tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting impatiently."

With one final peck on her lips, Cullen was gone, leaving Trevelyan happier than she could remember being in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote parts of this story a few months ago, during some boring classes with mandatory attendance. I'm not sure why I was expecting a class on gerontology to be exciting, but that's not the point. The point is that on two separate occasions someone asked me what I was writing. My brilliant response was something along the lines of "Stuff. Just, you know, things." After more questions I said that it's "Kind of like a short story." I wasn't going to explain what fanfiction is. Been there, failed at that, never doing it again. One of my friends noticed that I was blushing while talking about it, which means there was some kind of blush-ception going on - me blushing because of writing about characters who blush constantly. That's some meta awkwardness right there. Anyway, I hope it was worth it.
> 
> Comments and kudos would be very appreciated. [my tumblr, if you're curious](%E2%80%9Dthe-lady-or-the-tiger.tumblr.com/%E2%80%9D)

**Author's Note:**

> The part about the logging stand was inspired by my own stupidity. I forgot to set the quest as active and really couldn't find it for the longest time. In the end I decided to make this a part of Alissa's character.
> 
> Comments and kudos would be greatly appreciated.


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